Why Do People Hide Their Voice Problems?

Do you hide your vocal problems from people around you? Are you afraid to tell people that your voice is giving you a hard time? If so, just know that you are not alone feeling this way. Let’s talk about it. 

Where do I start? I know that for many people with voice problems talking about their difficulties is not easy. And it’s understandable because this is what they often hear when they talk about their voice problems:

• It’s your fault, you should have known better. 
• You sound fine to me, you don’t have a problem.
• There are more serious problems. Just get over it.
• You sound funny. What’s wrong with you?
• Are you sure you can do your job? Maybe you should change your career.

The saddest part is that these reactions may come even from voice professionals, like doctors and therapists. 

When you are treated this way, of course you are not going to talk about your voice and vocal issues. The reasons for your silence can be described in single words like shame, fear, blame, confusion, embarrassment, isolation, disbelief, misunderstanding, bullying, lack of empathy, anxiety, self-image … I could go on and on and on.  We are human beings and we are trying to protect ourselves from being judged or ridiculed. It’s absolutely natural to hide something that would lead to negative comments or comments that undermine the core of who we are. 

You Are Not Alone

Because I work with people who experience vocal issues, I know that hiding a vocal problem is a very common phenomenon and it does not matter if you are a professional singer, speaker, presenter, teacher or house mom, retired or introverted.

In our free Facebook group called Breathing Room for Voice, I asked the members if they hide their vocal problem from others and why. Unsurprisingly, the post received a lot of responses. Here are some of them:

• I was afraid people wouldn’t understand my situation or would just make fun of me. 
• Because a lot of my identity was wrapped around being a vocalist and band leader, I worried people would think my career was over. I also had to work through feelings of loss as to who I am if not a performer, should my voice not return to its original strength and range.
• I feel it takes energy to explain it to others (both physically and mentally).
• I feel others won't understand how difficult it's been and how painful and hard it is to try to relieve the tension and learn new ways to use my voice. 
• I feel very isolated.
• It definitely weighs me down since I'm a vocalist who is terrified of not being able to talk and sing normally again.
• I find it difficult to be taken seriously.

It really pains me to read comments like this. Why are vocal issues associated with all of these negative feelings? Isn’t it interesting that people who use their body in other fields actually get the opposite reactions when their body is injured? Take for example professional athletes, or even amateur athletes. When they pull their muscle, sprain their ankle, or when their health is impacting their performance, they get help immediately. They get compassion and care. Their coach, friends and family show empathy without hesitation: “I am so sorry to hear about your injury. How can we help to get you back in shape? Shall I take you to see a doctor? When do you start physiotherapy?”

Talking about Voice Problems

Why can't people with vocal problems get the same attitude and help? Voice disorders are shockingly common but the general population or 99% of people around us have no clue what that means or feels like. And they will not know unless we tell them. And if you don’t have the courage to talk about it yet, I will be your voice. Here is what I have to say to anyone who doesn’t take you seriously or blames you for your vocal problem:

Stop undermining vocal issues. They exist and they can be as debilitating as any other serious illness. Stop blaming people for their vocal injury. It’s not their fault. They are not responsible for causing their own injury. Stop implying that if they had better technique or were more accomplished, this would not have happened. If they are telling you that they have a problem, it means that they have a problem. It's not in their head. It’s real to them and even though you cannot hear it, it’s very real to them. Stop telling them to relax or get over it. If it was that easy, there would be no vocal problems. It takes dedication, patience and deep motivation to change vocal behaviours. Vocal problems do not mean incompetence. On the contrary, people with vocal problems usually have better kinesthetic awareness, better knowledge and vocal skills than anyone in their environment. Stop neglecting their feelings about their own voice and their identity. 

Instead, offer help. Ask what you can do to ease their pain and frustrations. Be a good listener. Listen without judgment and be supportive in the decision they make about their voice. You don’t need to know all the details unless they want to share them with you. Just be there and let them know that you understand. Educate yourself about vocal disorders and how you can help. Be a good friend and show empathy. 

Find A Circle of People Who Understand

Now, back to you my friend. If you have vocal issues, I encourage you to start talking about it. Whenever you are ready. Find a circle of people who will understand.

Take inspiration from one of our Facebook members who wrote: “It took me a lot of inside work to lose the shame of possibly losing my voice and to give myself the grace, acceptance and patience I deserve. Now I have no problem sharing my struggle, especially if it’s to help others who are facing some of these same issues. My battle is not over, but I no longer fear what the future holds and know I will have a full life despite the outcome.”

You are definitely not alone and there are many people who feel the same way. Find them, talk to them. It actually can be therapeutic in itself. The compassionate community of like-minded people who share similar vocal journeys is what makes our group coaching program Vocal Freedom System for the speaking voice so powerful. So, come and join us.

Link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29BNKeu64XU